


Hello

by nerdyostrich



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Other, Suicide, hints of destiel - Freeform, my feels took over, this wasn't supposed to be sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 03:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdyostrich/pseuds/nerdyostrich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"They all said, "Hallo,” and felt awkward and unhappy suddenly, because it was a sort of good-bye they were saying, and they didn’t want to think about it." - Winnie the Pooh</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hello

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for my good friend tiddly-pom on Tumblr, who gave me some prompts. It wasn't even meant to be angst, but LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. Sorry about that.

Castiel has always been fascinated with the word ”hello”. Such an underrated word, used only for greeting someone when, in fact, it was so much more. A ”hello” always meant that there would be a ”goodbye”, whether that farewell was spoken or not did not matter. When you say ”hello”, you also say ”goodbye”. You say goodbye to the life you had before them, how you felt before they walked into your life and the person you used to be. With one word, you give up everything and you don’t notice it.

 

_Hello, Dean._

 

Those two words were the ones who started it all. They do not seem like much, just an ordinary greeting. But a greeting is so very underrated. The first time Castiel met Dean on Earth, in the old barn in Pontiac, he did not say hello, simply because he thought that he would not meet Dean again. Why say goodbye to someone you will never meet again? But of course, they met again. They met until the end.

 

_What were you dreaming about?_

 

After the greeting, there is usually a question asked, something that the person talking to the one who was greeted wishes to know. Castiel wanted to know what Dean was dreaming about, though he already knew. He knew that Dean was dreaming of Hell. Though his people skills are rusty, he is not a fool. When Dean does not reply, his thoughts are confirmed and his faith in this man is reaffirmed. Even back in Hell, Castiel could see the light in Dean’s soul, how he does not wish to lay his troubles on others. It amazes Castiel and he knows that he was right to say goodbye to this man. He was right to leave who he used to be behind. Of course, he does not know this yet.

 

_You can’t save everyone, my friend, though you try._

 

The longer the conversation goes on, the more is revealed. Sometimes, more is revealed than you would like. Sometimes, what you reveal stays behind for a long time. Dean will remember those words for a long time. Those long nights where he feels guilt over all those he has failed, Castiel’s words will sound throughout his mind and he will feel some skewed, small form of peace. He will know that he tried. Then his self-loathing will return and he will feel like he didn’t try enough. Castiel knows this the moment he utters the words. He knows that the words will hurt, but at least they’ll give Dean some kind of peace. _What would you rather have, peace or freedom?_ Those words ring through Castiel’s mind and he feels guilty that he does not know what he should answer. 

 

_If I see what heaven’s become, what I made of it… I’m afraid I might kill myself._

 

A confession is made soon after the initial reveal. It can be simple and nothing big, but it can also be something life-changing. Most often, you try to forget about what is said, because there is nothing you can do or simply because you don’t want to think about it. Dean tries his best not to think about what Castiel said, tries to convince himself that Castiel would never do it. As much as he tries not to, he thinks about it. He thinks about what he would feel if he stood over Castiel’s lifeless body, what would happen when his best friend disappeared permanently. It does not matter how much Dean thinks of it, because when it happens, he is not prepared. Then again, you’re never prepared for the goodbye, are you? 

 

_Hello, Dean._

 

The goodbye comes both last and first. It is the beginning and the end of everything. And you are never prepared for it. Not even Castiel is fully prepared of how much it would pain him to watch Dean fade away, or perhaps that is his vision fading, he can’t tell. But not once does he regret saying hello. He does not regret saying goodbye. Dean doesn’t regret it either.

 

 _Hello_. 

 

The most undervalued word in the world. It is both a greeting and a farewell, but you are never prepared for either. They just come along and take your breath away. You never think about the double meaning of the word. Not until it’s too late. Perhaps that is why Castiel was always so fascinated with it, because of its finality. Despite all of his fighting for free will, he was always intrigued by destiny and that which is final. And all in a single word. Hello.

 

Goodbye.


End file.
